Christmas gifts I don't want

I appreciate all my friends and family thinking of me at Christmas, but despite the humbug factor, I want to mention gifts I don't want.

Nick-knacks of any kind. My house is soooo stuffed with things that I can't hardly move. Nothing more to dust, please.

Hard candy of any kind. My teeth would appreciate it.

Perfume. I rarely wear it.

Bath oils. They leave a ring on the tub, and since my servants quit, I hate to clean the tub. I shower anyway.

Clothes. You don't know my sizes or tastes. Don't torture both of us, you with trying to find something that you think I will like, and me with trying to smile and thank you and then having to return it.

Yes, bah humbug to me, too, but listen, I do love you for you thinking of me at all. And to make things simple for you. Here are a few things that are perfect for me and easy for you, too:

Gift certificates for Wal-Mart or Blockbuster.

Simple scented candles. Nothing elaborate.

Socks. White. Cotton. Short. Easy.

Chocolate of any kind, but particularly chocolate oranges. Deeelicious.

This list should help us both out.

Merry Christmas, my peeps, and Happy New Year!